Musings of Eric Sharp

The Couch [ (b) June 21, 2001 - (d) October 18, 2006 ]

The Couch, 5, whose pine green color, accommodating warmth, and rugged nature died violently today in his Winter Park Florida home today.

Though The Couch lived a short time period here on earth – his life was captivated by dynamic events and multiple relationships. Used as times as a bed, The Couch welcomed anyone who was in search of a nice place to lay down for the night. His deep cushions, and gentle cloth signaled to anyone that he was a soft-hearted soul with bounds of unselfishness.

The Couch lived through multiple residence transfers. Probably his greatest achievement was withstanding a dramatic move from an apartment residing in Maitland Florida, to his current household in Winter Park. After hours of being lodged in the stairs hallway, The Couch remained intact after hours of pushing, shoving, and brute force applied upon him. It wasn’t until after that move that his health started a steady decline and eventually lead to his conjectured death a little over a year later.

The Couch is survived by his biological Father Eric Sharp, his little Sister the love seat, and his brutally relentless carnivorous cousin, Yogi.

A rare photo of The Couch upon death…awaiting along side the curb for his cremation.

So with the obituary out of the way, let me sum up this entire mess in a nutshell. Yogi destroyed my couch!! ‘Nuff said right? I tried everything from spray repellants, plastic mats with sharp yielding prongs (which was worthless because he ate those too), and literally smacking his butt with the infamous rolled up magazine EVERY time I came home. Which, if you know anything about dogs, discipline should be restricted to shortly after the disobedience – not hours after the act. But, it made me angry, and I like to think that Yogi is genius and atypical and he would eventually understand his wrongdoing. After months of ignorance on my end, he never learned. The couch deteriorated little by little, week by week, until it was completely unusable. I’m still not really sure of Yogi’s motivation behind this vaulted attack. Either he becomes bored during the day, or wanted me to get new furniture. Either way, it didn’t make me a happy dog owner.

Ok, so my solution for a counter attack you ask? Other than leaving him outside all day and/or having no furniture? The “Scat Mat”. Best invention outside of the Television DVR. This thing strikes fear (even in me), but is 100% Veterinarian approved. Runs on a single 9 volt battery, applies a harmless shock (similar to a static shock) once stepped on, and highly effective. Yogi has yet to jump on my remaining Love Seat since I’ve started using it. If he’s not on the couch, he’s not chewing away. Problem solved.

Man, if I had only known of this product before Yogi pleasantly discovered there was white fluff embedded in the cushions. I guess I’m in the market for some new furniture eh?

Talk about unconditional love, geez.